Singlish HW

Hi Everyone! Amber here and I'm very, very excited to visit Singapore!

Here's a funny story - A while back (in February) Shi Mei and Jeremy started giving me lessons to polish up my Singlish...

My assignment was to comment on a rude email as a local Singaporean would. I gave it my best shot: "Why he so liddat to him ar? He got problem ah? I think no school good lah!"

My second attempt: "Why he liddat arrrr? He got problem wad? (???) No school good lah!!!"

Professor Shi Mei gave me an A! "Prof Chiew, how you think leh? I propose Grade: A after the corrections. can or not arh?"

Professor Jeremy gave me an A- and a lengthy email to go along with my grade...

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*Haughty Evil Harvard professor tone*

"Dear Amber,

I refer to your recent assignment, and the accompanying correction. While I note that you have made some effort in assimilating information from my recent lecture (Singlish 101, Coursecode HAHA-S 101), may I remind you that learning a new language is more than just word substitution or addition of colloqiual terms. Only when you understand and am able look beyond the syntaxes of a language then we can truly consider having mastered the language.

But I digress. Below are my observations and comments.

"harrow proffesor chiew and professor lee"

I believe 'Harrow' is mispelt, and should have been 'Harlow', pronounced similarly as the Chinese Dim Sum dish of shrimp dumplings, 'Har Gao'. It was a good attempt by using non-capital letters throughout the assignment, because Singaporeans are known for their informality in terms of their written language and dressing, the latter perhaps due to the tropical climate of the country or that the general etiquette-awareness of the people is of a relatively lower level as compared to other developed countries. After all, they are almost a hundred years removed from the glorious pomp and circumstance of being under colonial British rule. I love Queen Elizabeth. Long live the Queen!

Bur I digress.

Another good attempt is the mispelling of the word 'proffesor', to reflect how Singaporeans pronounce that word. May I suggest a more accurate mispelling: Proffes-sir. Remind me to pronounce that word for you when we next meet. Amber, you must take into account the computer literacy level of Singaporeans. They might not write well, but they do know to double-check when a red sqiggly line appears under a mispelt word in a word processor. Hence, perhaps it would be better to spell both 'professors' correctly. I shall deliberate upon this during my afternoon tea break. On hindsight, my suggested spelling of 'profes-sir' contains a pun in the word 'sir'! Hence you may consider it a double entendre, as both are used to address a respected, intelligent teacher, such as myself! Oh, I marvel at my own wit, and do not expect students such as yourself to fully understand what it is like. Do not be disheartened, because you are my student! You're studying from the best!

But I digress.

"please give me A lah, I try hard lah."

The first half is perfect, but the second half should have been: 'i try bery hard aledy you noe..'. Spelt more properly, it's 'I try very hard already you know'. Translated into English, it's 'Do you know that I have already tried very hard?' Notice how the same message is delivered more efficiently with less syllabus used, as well as an added tone of exasperation on the part of the speaker, which usually works to his / her favour. The proper english version however, seems to suggest aggression, and will not be looked upon kindly by teachers such as myself.

I will ignore your corrections, as I believe if you do not get it the first time, you did not get it. In my next lecture we shall explore the subtleties within the language as defined by the specific use of punctuations. Do not skip my class, because it is an important one. In the meanwhile, here's your homework. Have a listen and see if you understand the conversation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWQrcWt25eI

Yours,
Prof. Chiew Hao Lian.

p.s. I think you deserve a A-.

*Classmate tone*

Wah lau eh (Omg) Amber, why your teacher so liddat, send him corlections (mispelt on purpose) aledy he still kbkb (Hokkien expletive) so much? Dun care him aledy lah! We go find Shi mei and makan (Malay for eat) good food, go the Serangoon Gardens Chomp Chomp (Famous food place in SG) and eat flied (fried) cheeken (chicken) wingsss, ok? Steady lah!



Haha okay I should stop crapping now. Have a good concert tonight everyone!!

Take care,
Jeremy
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I hope you enjoyed this hilarious email. Even with thorough training from my two Singaporean Professors, I still have not yet grasped the Singlish language, so please don't expect much from me. :o) Looking forward to meeting ya'll!

Amber